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On the first day of school I was dressed like I was ready to buck some hay into the barn. Picked on and humiliated, I spent the remainder of the day after school in my room crying. My ass-kissing brother fit right in. He was instantly in the “popular” crowd and was out with his new friends. My mother, Anna, came home from work at about seven. “What's wrong Chuck?” With a fountain of tears cascading down my face I screamed “Why did you let me go to school dressed like that?! You're from the city! You know how people dress here. Everyone made fun of me! I wish I were fucking dead!” Her eyes began to tear with sympathy. “You never seemed to care about.... I didn't think it would matter that.... I'm so sorry Chuck. I'm so sorry.” She dropped her purse and embraced me. As I buried my sobbing face into her chest I could feel myself getting hard. We are not what one would call a “hugging” family. Not a lot of physical contact is ever made. Standing there with our bodies pressed together,. "She paled. It's amazing that her skin can actually get whiter than it normally is. When she pales, she goes from ivory to chalky. Her hands shook. She looked at me, trying to read something from my face or body language, anything that would give her a clue as to what I was up to."Trust me," I repeated.She took a deep breath and let it out. She looked down at herself then back at me. Shrugging her shoulders, she began to unbutton her sweater, slowly at first and then at a close to normal pace.About half way, while she was still unbuttoning, she asked, "Are you going to just watch me or..."I didn't answer.Her hands finished the last button and she slid the sweater off of her arms. I pointed to the chair next to her and she neatly folded it over the back.She looked at herself again and decided that her blouse was next. Reaching behind her head, she unzipped it in the back, while looking at me questioningly. Again, she asked, "Are you going to just look at me or what?" She wanted an.
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